The Four-Burner Theory: Time to face the truth!
Do you ever feel like you’re being overwhelmed by too many tasks you have to check off on your to-do list? You’re tied up at the office, while your children are waiting for you at home to cook for them, but you are invited to your friend’s birthday today, and if you are lucky enough to have some time to eat your lunch, do you pay attention to the nutrition, and do you take it during a break or at your desk while desperately trying to do your tasks? If the answer is yes, maybe it’s time for you to give it some thought.
I don’t remember when or where I read about the four-burner theory, but when I did, I found it a bit painful to face the reality: I couldn’t have it all! Putting almost all my focus on working and studying, I mostly felt guilty about not having enough time for my friends and family, but I was hoping this would change at some point. The four-burner theory, however, undercut my optimistic view!
The theory says you have four burners in your life: Family, Friends, Health, and Work. You can’t be successful in all four together, but rather you need to cut off one burner to perform successfully in the other three. Cut off another one and then you can be very successful in the other two!
In case you are wondering if there are any loopholes allowing us to keep all the burners running, James Clear, who is famous for his bestseller book – Atomic Habits, came up with three suggestions:
1. Outsourcing the burners: Buying food instead of cooking, getting a babysitter to take care of your children, ordering a wrapped gift online and sending it directly to your friend for their birthday, and the like.
2. Embracing constraints: Admit it! you don’t have enough time, so try to make the best out of the limited time you have!
3. Breaking your life into seasons: Focusing on certain things at certain times. For example, focus on your career and health when you’re younger and still have no children.
However, I’d say the problem still persists despite these options. Why? Because if you keep eating outside or premade food, you put your health at risk in the long run, if you have someone take care of your children at home, you lose the chance to interact with them as your family, if you keep not showing up at your friends’ big moments, it will cost you your friendships. Health is something you need to constantly take care of, and how could you even outsource your job?! Of course, everyone is willing to be efficient and use their time in the best way possible; it’s just a matter of how?
Finally, you can divide your life into seasons, but moving on from one season to the other could be a bit risky. Let’s say you‘re being highly successful at work, but at some point, you need to go on maternity/ paternity leave to do your job as a parent: a new season! There is no guarantee that things remain the same until you’re back. You may need to start from scratch to make (some) things over again, while you’d already put a lot of effort into building them before.
The bitter truth is that there may not be an effective solution to keep all the burners on simultaneously to the fullest; therefore, you need to choose. You may need to make sacrifices to achieve greater goals in your life; however, you should be aware of and accept the consequences of your actions upon your choices. For example, if you cut off your family and friends in favor of your business, you may miss celebrating your victories with them. On the other hand, you may be able to serve society positively through your efforts.
You are the one defining the balance in your life: It’s all about your desires and what you want to achieve; so decide, make peace with your decisions, take actions upon them and enjoy/ accept the following results.
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The origin of this theory is somehow unknown. It was firstly published in The New Yorker by David Sedaris, who also heard it from a business women named Pat. (https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2009/08/24/laugh-kookaburra)